Self-awareness is probably one of the best gifts you can give yourself. When you are self-aware, you can take charge of many aspects of your life. On the other hand, when you are not self-aware, you can lose on so many aspects of your life.
Self-awareness helps dictate life on your terms. It helps you regulate your emotions, become aware of your strengths and limitations, understand yourself and others better and therefore form great relationships.
With this in mind, some aspects show lack of self-awareness in relationships.
Codependency in a relationship
Codependency is one of the major indicators of lack of self-awareness in a relationship. When you are codependent, you are always going out of your way to please your partner and put their needs first. You deny yourself happiness to please the other person.
Codependency and self-awareness go hand in hand because you don’t know yourself well and you feel the need to be validated by your partner. When you are codependent, you are either the controlling one or accept control from your partner since you believe that you should be functioning as a unit and not as unique individuals in a relationship.
You feel the need to depend on your partner to feel safe and secure and when they don’t do what you expect it makes you upset. You can read more on signs you are in a codependent relationship and how you can stop being codependent in your relationship.
Self-sabotaging your relationship
Self-sabotaging in a relationship is whereby you always find ways to push your partner away, pick up unnecessary fights or ruin your relationships when things are going well. If this does not show lack of self-awareness in a relationship I don’t know what does.
When you are not self-aware, your self-worth and esteem are very low. You tend to think the worse of your partner’s behavior and since you become so afraid that they will leave you, you take the initiative to hurt them before they hurt you. If you realize that you have been sabotaging your relationships, it could be a sign of low self-awareness and you might want to start working on that.
Unrealistic expectations in a relationship
Having unrealistic expectations in a relationship is one indicator of lacking self-awareness in a relationship. For example, if you expect your partner to be the one to make you happy, it is unrealistic since only you can be in charge of your happiness.
Lack of self-awareness makes you not take charge of your feelings and emotions and expect the other person to be the one to make you feel good. On the other hand, becoming self-aware can help you take charge of your happiness and not place that unrealistic task on your partner.
Taking things personally in a relationship
If you find that you always take things personally in a relationship, it can be a sign of lacking self-awareness. Lack of sufficient self-worth, which is a factor of self-awareness can lead you to have a low perception of yourself. As a result, you take criticism badly and add more negative weight to comments your partner makes than you should.
Further, lack of self-awareness makes you misdirect your emotions. For example, if you are sad about something else when your partner says something that doesn’t appeal to you, you personalize the event based on how you are feeling. You blame them for making you feel bad yet it is not them that have affected your mood. I have explored how to stop taking things personally in a relationship.
Lack of healthy boundaries in a relationship
Identity is a factor of self-awareness. When you are self-aware, you know who you are as an independent individual. On the other hand, when you are not self-aware, you become very dependent on another person. If your relationship lacks healthy boundaries, it could be that one or both of you lack self-awareness.
As much as it is good to be in unison in a relationship, it is important to recognize that you are unique individuals in that relationship. Your partner’s mistakes are not yours. Their lives are not yours and you can draw a line on how you want to be treated. If your partner is always treating you in ways you don’t want to be treated but want to be forgiven, some boundaries are being crossed in this relationship. See how to set healthy boundaries in a relationship.
Jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
If your relationship is crippled with constant jealousy and insecurity, this might be an indication of lack of self-awareness. People in a self-aware relationship trust each other and have no reason to be insecure if there is no valid reason to be.
Most times, jealousy and insecurity in a relationship are brought about by being afraid that our partners will see our flaws and leave us because of them. We also worry that we are not good enough and that our partners will use this against us. We expect our partners to help us feel good about ourselves and validate us. If they don’t, we get jealous and accuse them of not putting us first.
Putting up with abuse in a relationship
If you have been putting up with abuse in your relationship, whether it is physical, emotional, mental or financial, it could be due to lack of self-awareness. When you are self-aware, you know your worth and how much you can tolerate in a relationship. Not knowing your worth can let you allow your partner to get away with things they should not be getting away with.