Are you the jealous partner? Are you always disgusted with how your jealousy radar goes up even when you are wrong? Do you always think you can have a happier relationship if only you were not jealous all the time?
Uncalled for jealousy can ruin a good relationship. We all need healthy relationships in life and they are an important part of our self-improvement. A little amount of jealousy can be good for a relationship. I mean, of course, you want your partner to bit a bit bad when you flirt with the neighbor and such. However, sometimes the jealousy can become too much and it can make you paranoid.
How can you stop being a jealous partner?
Improve your self-worth
Often, you are jealous because you are insecure and don’t feel so good about yourself. Little self-worth and self-value can make you feel like your partner will grab the next good things that come along. Feeling that you are not good enough makes you so insecure that you are worried about your standing in this relationship.
To get better at this, work on improving your self-worth. Make yourself a valuable member of that relationship. For example, while it is completely ok to be provided for, it is important for my self-worth that I earn something and contribute financially to the relationship. It may be a small portion, but it does make me feel awesome.
Pinpoint the root of your jealousy
When do you think the jealousy comes from? Not all jealousy roots from insecurity. You could be feeling jealous because you had an untrustworthy relationship in the past. If your partner cheated in the past, alarms could be going off in your head every time you observe something suspicious.
Jealousy can ruin your relationship and it is important to explore the root of the jealousy before it does so. You can manage to save your relationship by understanding why you are getting jealous and taking charge of your emotions.
Stop being pessimistic
When you are a pessimist, you are cynical and worry about every little thing. Not all things are as they seem. Sometimes your partner is late because they were held up and there is nothing to it. Try not to overthink situations and learn to kick away negative thoughts. I wrote about ways you can control your negative thoughts.
When you are self-aware, you know who you are, what you like and don’t like, and where your strengths and weaknesses lie. Knowing this, you accept yourself for who you are, and are not too worried that you should be like someone else. A self-aware person will accept themselves for all they are.
For example, you will not constantly worry that your partner will leave you for a better-looking, fitter, younger person. When you are self-aware, you are confident in who you are and if your partner decides to pick another person, well, it is on them and has very little to do with your value as a person.
Don’t assume things
Sometimes a lot of jealousy-related situations result from a misunderstanding. You can be feeling jealous when your partner constantly talks to someone else or acts in a certain way while in reality, it is not something you should be concerned about. Other than makeup scenarios in your mind and assume the worst, sometimes you just have to ask questions. If you are in doubt, just ask. A direct answer may sometimes make you realize that you had nothing to worry about and yet you had been killing yourself with your worry.
Learn to let the past go
If you were cheated on in the past, there are chances that you carry this with you into your current relationships. Such experiences in the past can ruin your relationships. It is not easy to let the past go, but sometimes you have to create a better future. Your past experiences can ruin your current relationship if you are constantly suspicious of your partner because you were cheated on in the past. You may need to reparent yourself to recover from a difficult past.
Have some faith
If you struggle with trust, it is time to grow some of it. Learn to trust your partner, unless they have given you reasons not to. Trust is essential in a relationship. You cannot keep tabs on your partner, where they go, what they do, and who they speak it. It is not only unhealthy, it is exhausting. Instead, decide to trust them just as they trust you. Have some faith in yourself and your partner as well.
Focus on your life
Be so busy in your life, improving yourself, loving your loved ones, so much that you have little time to worry about jealousy. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Rather than let negative thoughts rule your mind, choose to do more with your life. Engage in hobbies, talk to friends, do more reading, watching movies, playing, and other things that you love doing. When you are busy, you will not focus so much on your partner and give yourself some breathing space and less time to worry.
Focus on the good stuff in your relationship
If it is a relationship, I am sure it is not solely based on envy and jealousy. It must have good stuff such as the fun time you have together, the support you get from your partner, emotional connection, and financial providence, among others. Choose to look at the good stuff in your relationship and not just the things you suspect are wrong. This way, you can shift your mind from negative thinking to positive thinking and watch your relationship blossom.
Stop comparing yourself to others
Sometimes you get jealous because you have idealistic notions about how a relationship should be. You borrow the idea of relationships from movies, friends who overhype their relationships, and some unrealistic situations. Comparison will always make you feel terrible, for of course there will always be people who are better looking, successful, confident, more educated than you are. Don’t focus on others, focus on yourself. Comparison is the thief of joy and the more you compare, the more you will identify faults in your relationship. I have written on how you can stop comparing yourself to others for a fuller life.
Every time you feel negative thoughts creeping in that lead to jealousy, check yourself. Remind yourself to stop. Check out how to use thought-stopping to control your negative thoughts and bring yourself to the present. Jealousy will sweep in every time you are in a situation and you start thinking the worst. If your partner does not pick up his phone, for example, your thoughts go to the deep end. Work on checking yourself and trying to find logical explanations for every situation.