How to stop envy and feeling jealous of others

“Envy blinds men and makes it impossible for them to think clearly” – Malcolm X

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth”- Marcus Aurelius

Envy is not an attractive look on anyone and what’s worse, it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. If you constantly feel jealous of others, you must have asked, how do I stop being jealous of others?

It’s not easy to admit about being green-eyed, but it may have happened to you at some point. Remember that feeling of envy or jealousy you felt when someone got something you wanted or succeeded in an area you have been striving for. It’s not a good feeling. I am not sure you were not proud of it. You must have hated yourself when you realized your feeling especially if it goes against your values.

Jealousy is often common in relationships and often time you ask how you can stop being so jealous and possessive.

Feeling envy can take your attention from all the things that matter. Your focus shifts from working on your goals to minding the lives of others, which has zero contribution towards your own development.

As much as we might strive to be good, sometimes the wrong emotions hit us, and envy is one of them. It can be crippling for your mental and emotional health, eventually catching up with your physical health.

Jealousy takes many angles, and today I want to help you learn how you can get over jealousy and insecurity in friendships, jealousy of an ex, overcome jealousy in friendship, or stop being a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend.

Here is how you can get over jealousy of others

Be honest with yourself

When you feel envious of someone’s success or perceived success, ask yourself why you feel that way. Is it because you would like to have what they have? Is it because you have been working towards what they have and they have achieved it before you did? Be really honest about the reasons for your envy.

When you gain clarity, you may realize that there is nothing to be envious about. Do you really want what they have? The more you dissect what is making you jealous, the more it will occur to you that it may not be as attractive as you think.

Stop comparing

I have written about comparison before. The more you compare yourself to others, the more you will be dissatisfied with your life. Comparing will always remind you that there are people doing better than you, the same way there are those not doing as well as you are.

Instead of constantly looking at how green the grass is on the other side, focus on watering your own. Focus on developing and improving yourself and be so busy focusing on yourself that you don’t notice what’s happening with others.

Redefine what’s important to you

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth”- Marcus Aurelius

As Marcus Aurelius states in the quote above, everything is about perspective. What defines success for you is different from what defines success for the next person. Redefine what the definition of success is to you. For me, the definition of success is independence and freedom.

The factors that make me free and independent are what make me happy. Meaning, I could have all the money in the world but without my freedom (yes, there are people with money but are not free) I cannot be happy.

Having this clarity about what’s important to you changes your perspective. You, therefore, cannot find yourself feeling jealous towards a person achieving something that maybe does not fall in the category of what you desire.

Another way to look at this from the quote that everything that everyone says is an opinion. If someone’s opinion shows that they have achieved something, this may be according to their opinion and you don’t have to agree with it.

The moment you realize this, you recognize that some of the ‘success’ you see from others is not genuine, and realize there is nothing to be jealous about.

Increase your self-awareness

Working on your self-awareness will make you recognize when you are feeling envious, and take charge of yourself. As I mentioned earlier, envy and jealousy do not look good on anyone and if you have good values, chances are you will feel terrible about yourself the moment you realize that you are letting jealousy and envy take over you.

Self-awareness is the recognition of moods and feelings as they happen. When you realize that you are feeling jealous, first, you take a step back and analyze what is making you feel the way you feel. You then work on resolving these feelings so that they don’t affect your thoughts and behavior.

Self-awareness will also help you not take actions that you will regret simply because you had a moment of envy. For example, envy can make you say something about someone that you will soon regret since you didn’t really mean it but you were overtaken by envy.

Take a self-awareness course to become more self-aware

Practice gratitude and contentment

Learn to appreciate what you have. You may not have acquired all the things you want, whether it’s love, money, power, and belonging, but sure enough, you are not empty-handed in all these areas. Appreciate what you have today. Be content with what you have as you work towards what you want. Envy often results from negative feelings.

When you don’t have gratitude for what you have, you constantly feel inadequate and notice how much others have which you are lacking. This will drive you to be envious. However, appreciating what you have will make you derive satisfaction from your life and reduce how much you compare yourself to others.

Stop thinking others have it all

In this era of social media, the exposure you get on the lives of others can make you think that they do have it all. They post their thriving relationships, jobs and businesses, homes, and show as if everything in their life is perfect.

Don’t be carried away by this illusion and think that some people have it all. There is hardly anyone who has it all. Everyone has something that they desire but they don’t have it. This assumption that others have it all can make you so dissatisfied with your life that you fail to appreciate what you have.

Avoid people that value the wrong things

There is a kind of people that are constantly talking about material things that others possess. They talk about their new cars, their flashy lifestyles and the like. If you have defined what’s important to you, hardly with these lifestyles impress you. I know of someone who is always talking about who bought what car, and how good others are doing.

While I am happy for those succeeding, constant feeding on such material can make you question your life and feel the pressure to live according to certain standards. If you are surrounded by people who would rather be in debt than be left behind in flashing lifestyles, and goodness forbids some time you have felt some envy creep onto you when they showed something flashy to you, avoid this kind of people.

Surround yourself with the right people

Some people make it their life goal to show off to you to the extent of making you feel inferior. It’s important that you surround with people that will not rub their good fortune on your nose all the time. If you feel people are genuinely expressing their success to you with no ill intention, chances are that you will be genuinely happy for them rather than feel envy.

Don’t view life as a competition

Envy results from feeling that the other person beat you at something. If you view life as a competition, just like any other competition, there will be winners and losers. Envy happens when you are a sour loser. Stop envy by viewing life as a lesson with no tests.

There is no grade that we have to achieve or no set criteria that we have to hit faster than others. Viewing life as a competition will increase your comparison habits and the more you compare yourself and feel that others have ‘won’ and you have ‘lost’, the more you will be envious of them.

Develop an abundance mentality

There is enough for everyone. Constantly remind yourself that there is enough for everyone. There is enough money, love, success for everyone and others getting it faster than you doesn’t mean that they will exhaust it. No, there is enough for everyone, your share is just not here yet!