Why am I so jealous and paranoid?
No one likes to admit that they are a jealous partner. However, sometimes we let jealousy and paranoia get the best of us. In relationships for example, sometimes you can be so jealous you hate yourself for it but you have no idea what to do about it.
While I am not particularly a jealous person, I know what it feels like to be jealous once in a while. You can work on how to stop being a jealous partner but before you do so, you need to understand what makes you jealous and paranoid especially in relationships.
Reasons you are jealous and paranoid in relationships
Past experiences
Your past experiences can lead you to become jealous and paranoid in your relationships. If you were cheated on, for example, you might think that your partner is cheating on you every time you read one of the ‘signs’ you had seen in the past relationship.
If you have such experiences, it is important that you heal before getting into a serious relationship. By seeking therapy and counseling, you can heal from your past so that jealousy and paranoia don’t ruin your current relationships.
Low self-esteem
Having low self-esteem and low self-worth can make you jealous and paranoid. When you have low self-esteem, you believe that you are not good enough and you don’t deserve good things. You are constantly watchful that your partner could do better and get someone better and therefore worry all the time about whether they are satisfied with or they are going to replace you.
Inner child wounds
Your childhood wounds could be the source of your jealousy and paranoia. Our unhealed wounded inner child affects the relationships we create today and simply our wellbeing as adults. If for example you were abandoned as a child, you develop a fear of abandonment as a childhood wound.
Such fear can make you feel jealous and paranoid that the person you love is going to abandon you. You worry all the time that you are not worth keeping and people around you can abandon you at any moment. If this is the case, you need to reparent yourself so that you can heal from your childhood trauma and live a fulfilling life.
Overthinking
If you are jealous and paranoid all the time, chances are that you are an overthinker. Overthinking creates monsters in your mind that don’t exist. Overthinking leads to anxiety where you worry about situations that are not even likely to happen.
If you are overthinking situations, try to distract yourself and keep busy so that you have more going on in your life than just the relationship that is making you jealous and paranoid.
You are living in fear
If you find yourself being jealous and paranoid all the time, it could be that you are living in fear. You are always afraid of all the things that could go wrong that you don’t take a moment to look and see that some things could go right.
Living in fear results from a scarcity mentality. This kind of mentality makes you believe that there is no abundance in the world, there is not enough for everyone and we have to hold onto what we have so it is not taken away. This mentality leads to jealousy and envy especially in relationships and even professionally.
You have a fixed mindset
Having a fixed mindset means that you believe your abilities are constant and cannot be improved. You don’t believe you can get better than you are and you are afraid of failing. So, how does a fixed mindset relate to jealousy and paranoia?
When you have a fixed mindset, you don’t believe you can better yourself to be more appealing to your partner. If your jealousy and paranoia are related to the workplace, a fixed mindset makes you think you cannot improve yourself well enough to be appealing to your boss or colleague so as to get good work opportunities.
Learn how to change a fixed mindset into a growth mindset
Sometimes you are right
Sometimes your jealousy and paranoia are not farfetched and you could be right. If you have experienced some signs in your relationship that ended up being true, when you see such signs, it is good to trust your instincts. Your gut feeling may have developed with experienced and learned to detect red flags when they are present.
You worry about what you can’t control
When we worry so much about things we cannot control, it drives us crazy. If you are constantly jealous and paranoid, you could be worried about your partner and yet you cannot control them.
It is important to realize that in a healthy relationship, each individual is an independent person and since you cannot control them, then maybe you can trust them. This will make you happier and more settled rather than trying to control their every move.
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