Do you find yourself constantly getting jealous of others? When you see others doing well or having a life you would have liked, do you feel a pang of envy. Jealousy is a terrible vice and no one wants to admit they are jealous.
However, at some point in our life, we may have been hit by a pang of jealousy and we are not proud to admit. I know I am not proud to admit that once or twice I have been hit by a wave of envy and I would like to work on myself that it never happens to me again.
I came to understand that envy has to do with a fixed mindset. If you grew up being told that you are smarter than others, you innocently developed this feeling of inferiority. You learned to think that you will get what you want and don’t necessarily have to work for it. You thought the world will give you what you want simply because you are smart and talented, and well, you deserve it. This is a fixed mindset.
It is so because a fixed mindset is associated with thinking and feeling that ability is fixed. Smart people are smart and others are simply, well, not smart. A fixed mindset fails to appreciate the power of working hard.
This is where envy comes in. if you see a friend being successful, and you always thought you were smarter than them, you feel as if you have been cheated out of your right. You fail to remember that a growth mindset appreciates hard work. You start to justify that maybe this person become successful because they were lucky, or at the right phase at the right time. This is envy.
How to get over jealousy of others and deal with envy
Develop a growth mindset
One way to deal with envy is to develop a growth mindset. With this kind of mindset, you start to learn how to appreciate that hard work plays and being smart is just not sufficient. However, hard as it may be, you start to face the harsh reality that you may be smart, but there are other smart people as well. You also learn that others do work hard and get rewarded for it, and you should not feel bad about that.
Work on yourself
Maybe feeling jealous of others is a reminder that you need to work on yourself. You could be feeling envious because you wanted to have achieved something by now and the success of others is making you feel inadequate.
Working on yourself and changing your thinking and mindset is not an overnight job. I have discussed this and how one time I had a fixed mindset and I did not even know it. Growing up and being constantly told you are smart makes you not put the effort into what you do because you believe you are smart and don’t need to work as hard as others.
Secondly, this kind of mindset makes you feel that when you put in the effort, then you fail, you become embarrassed for trying so hard then failing. You start to think, well, why try when I’m going to fail anyway?
Over time, you realize that being smart is not sufficient and you need to work hard as well and learn not to be embarrassed by failure.
Develop an abundance mindset
To stop being jealous of others, you need to learn how to develop an abundance mindset. You need to develop the belief and understanding that there is enough for everyone and one person’s success does not mean failure for your part. There is enough for everyone. This is a mantra you need to develop, add it to your list of affirmations, and recite it daily if necessary.
When you have an abundance mentality, as opposed to a scarcity mentality, you don’t view life as a competition where you have to beat others to get your share of the cake. Instead, you view that the cake is sufficient for all of us and we can all get some. This way you will not feel envious and jealous of others as you don’t feel like they are taking anything away from you when they become successful.
Use the success of others as your inspiration
To stop being jealous and envious of others, learn to use the success of others as your inspiration. Use the successful person as your inspiration and wake-up call. Use them as a chance to challenge your self-limiting beliefs. Use this chance as a way to inspire yourself and work hard to achieve what you want.
If for example, your friend has a great career, don’t let that make you feel little. Instead, celebrate them, learn from them, support them and work on being the best in what you do. Their success should show you that you too can be great.
Stop comparing yourself to others
When you compare yourself to others, you measure your achievements with a certain yardstick whether it is career success, family, and any other factor. You forget that there is no single way to measure success and while a person may excel in a certain area, they might not do so well in another area.
My favorite poem Desiderata says, “ If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself”
Also, comparison is the thief of joy.
Most importantly, live your life. Love it even if it didn’t turn out to be the life you wanted, it is the life you have. Looking at others and feeling low will only stir feelings of jealousy.