Have you been feeling like a lost cause that cannot be saved? Are you feeling like giving up on yourself? Do you sometimes feel like that you are too damaged and cannot be saved?
Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t abandon yourself. No matter what you have been through, bad childhood, bad parenting, bad relationships, bad life, you can save yourself.
Yup! That’s the good stuff, you can save yourself and don’t have to wait for someone to do it for you.
You can reparent yourself and correct the mistakes of the past to a point that you are a whole new person.
How can you reparent yourself without giving up on yourself?
Instead of distracting yourself, observe your emotions
When you feel some unhealthy emotions coming up, don’t distract yourself. This could be abandoning the emotions simply because you feel they are too painful to address. When you distract yourself, you haven’t improved in any way. Instead, you have postponed the problem.
Instead, learn to observe your emotions. Understand why you feel the way you feel without judgment. If at one point you are feeling low self-worth, understand what caused this feeling what it makes you feel. Sitting with these emotions helps you come with a healthy way of reparenting yourself so that you are not a slave of your emotions. Now, this is emotional intelligence at its best.
When you understand the cause of these emotions, you can develop a way to reparent yourself. For example, let’s say the cause of your low self-worth has to do with your childhood.
You can reparent yourself by improving your self-worth and declaring that you are not a victim of your childhood. You can even use some positive affirmations to help you believe in new and helpful beliefs that will help you reparent yourself and improve your self-worth.
Don’t avoid discomfort and fear, instead, use them to grow
When you have been badly hurt in the past, chances are you will avoid these situations that hurt you. If you were hurt in a past relationship, for example, you may choose to avoid relationships simply because they give you discomfort. In this case, you are abandoning yourself and deciding that a good and healthy relationship is not for you.
Instead of abandoning yourself, use such situations to grow. Get into these situations that cause you discomfort and fear and use them to grow. When you go in such a situation knowing that it makes you afraid, you will have your guard up and you will be aware of every event in the situation. Reparent yourself by telling yourself that you cannot be a victim of circumstances but instead, you decide what is good for you.
Ignoring your self-care instead of prioritizing on yourself
You are giving yourself when you ignore your self-care. When you choose not to care for yourself since you have decided that you are a lost cause, you are abandoning and giving up on yourself.
Instead, prioritize yourself. Decide that you are valuable and worth good things and start working on yourself. Self-care ranges from grooming your physical self to grooming your mind, emotions, and spirituality. Through personal development, learn different ways you can improve yourself. When you prioritize yourself, you choose to focus on yourself and not to give up on yourself.
You constantly betray yourself instead of trusting in your own word
You are abandoning yourself when you don’t keep your promises to yourself. When you put yourself in unfavorable situations then constantly ask, “Why do I do this to myself?” you are giving up on yourself. Choose to be good to yourself and keep your word.
Learn to trust your own word and try to keep it. If you say, “I will not put myself in this situation again”, then decide and keep that promise. This shows that you honor and respect yourself. The more you feel this feeling of honor and respect, the more your self-worth, value, and respect increases, and the more you will continue improving yourself rather than abandoning yourself.
You constantly allow others to violate your boundaries rather than saying No and meaning it
Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for your mental health. If someone is not good for you, you let them go and set a boundary that they are not to come into your life and behave as they please. When you constantly allow others to violate your boundaries, you are giving up on yourself and allowing others to dictate your life.
Instead, learn how to say no and keep your word. Develop healthy boundaries, proudly state them, and ask them to be followed. If for example, you notice that you are people-pleasing and others constantly take advantage of you, learn to set boundaries and say a firm NO and expect it to be respected.
This way, you are not giving up on yourself but choosing yourself and your happiness. You are reparenting yourself to be someone that is respected and you will start to respect yourself some more as well.
I came across this table on Pinterest that can help you know how not to give up on yourself but accept yourself and try to be better. It shows the difference between abandoning yourself and reparenting yourself.
|Coping with emotional pain through distraction||Practice sitting with your emotions and observing them|
|Avoiding situations that cause fear and discomfort||Using situations that cause fear and discomfort to grow|
|Abandoning your self-care||Prioritizing on yourself and your self-care|
|Self-betrayal and not keeping your promises to yourself||Keeping your promises to yourself and trusting in your own word|
|Allowing others to violate your boundaries||Setting healthy boundaries, knowing how to say no and asking others to respect this|
Source: The holistic psychologist